Keep the Change!
By Dexx2G
“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ''What does a woman want?''” - Sigmund Freud1.
This question was asked over 40 years ago and here it is 2011 and we are still asking that same question. Although the original context and view of Freud, in my opinion has become a bit dated since the question was originally asked, we are still no closer to actually answering that question. As Valentine’s Day approaches, many men are out in stores and malls and of course online searching for that perfect gift to bestow upon their loved one. Now don’t get me wrong the ladies are out there too, doing their own searches but they are nowhere close to under the pressure the men are to impress. Have you ever received a lousy Valentine’s Day gift? It’s the worst; one might even dare to say that it is worse than receiving a terrible birthday gift or Christmas gift. Men do the craziest things when it comes to loving or just trying to be with a woman, but women (except for the mentally unstable) you love it. You love to watch a man totally humiliate himself in your honor. You love to brag to your friends how you took this perfectly fine man and turned him into a “better man”. I have never understood the psyche of the female mind. A good friend of mine2 said on her Facebook page a couple days ago
“Ladies: The only three things a guy should wanna change about you is your last name, your address and your view on men” and I agreed with her. Men never go into a relationship wanting to change a woman. Actually before I go into that, men rarely seek out a woman for a long term relationship initially. Of course once we’ve cleared the 25 year old marker we begin to focus our priorities but prior to that and in some cases beyond that our only priority is sex. Unfortunately for us [Men] women already know that and they exploit that fact, but I don’t think they know exactly what they’re doing either but I digress.
When a man searches for a woman it is a purely superficial and shallow search. Because the first thing we look for is appearance. It’s not our fault. We are programmed that way. If a woman looks fit, and carries herself with certain poise we look at her and subconsciously think to ourselves that this woman can potentially be a mate that I could see myself with long term. And of course we are thinking how great the sex could be. Then comes the approach, and this is where everything gets funky. As a man, when we choose to approach a woman we are putting our pride out there because contrary to what most women might think, we know that we don’t do the choosing. We prep ourselves by first giving ourselves a mental pep talk, then mapping out what kind of approach we should use on a particular female. And depending on the setting the standard “Can I buy you a drink?” approach probably won’t work. So we adjust. Do I approach you and go right in for the formal date or do I first invite you out for coffee or lunch for something a bit more casual to break the ice? Do I lead off with a joke, or the less subtle “excuse me miss, Hi my name is Dexx”. Do I go in with the ignorant bravado of “Yo let me talk to you for a minute ma”? Hey! Don’t knock it, I’ve seen it work and some of you ladies reading this might have been victim to just such an approach. Whatever approach we use, the woman ultimately chooses the man. She decides if she will allow him to continue past the initial approach. While we are absorbed in our master scheme, the woman has already dissected you. They start from the shoes up. She observes you and your surroundings, so yes the friends can ruin your chances. But if by some miracle we get past breaking the ice and we actually get into a conversation worth having twice, that’s where it all begins. We go on the first date, good time. We go on the second date, good time. Now after the third, fourth and fifth, she’s telling her friends how much she likes you and how different you are from other guys she’s dated. Hopefully by now you have been given the privilege of sampling the goods. Now the two of you have come to the conclusion that both of you are sexually compatible. PAUSE. A number of things begin to happen at this point. You’re 2 years into your relationship and you have experienced most of your “firsts”. Your first kiss, the first time you made love, your first anniversary, your first argument. This is where the female psyche baffles me, because at this point men are thinking “man, my lady is beautiful (nice body), Smart , she takes care of herself (healthy), doesn’t nag (lets me chill with the fellas), Outgoing (has her own social life), I don’t need anything to change about her, this is why I love her!”. Now let us refer back to my friend’s statement about what a man should want to change about a woman. We don’t want to change anything! We get it right from the beginning. We find what we’re searching for and once we do, we want it time capsuled! We don’t want you to change at all. We want you to stay the same weight (give a take a few pounds, you gotta love a thick woman), we want you to keep all your friends, they afford us (the couple) time apart to breathe and not become worn out by each other. We want you to still order the salad instead of the 16oz porterhouse with three sides. We still want you to dress like you’re trying to meet a man. That’s what attracted us in the first place. We want to be able to go out with the fellas (at least once a week) without being asked “Are there gonna be girls there?” Seriously? We [Men] are out-populated by almost 10 million women nationwide3, of course there’s going to be women there. Don’t get me wrong nothing stays the same forever, but let nature change it. Ladies you want us to change our haircut, the way we dress, our job, the cologne we wear, who we hang out with, when we hang out with them, the amount of sex we want, the type of sex we have (LOL ya’ll nasty, I know what you guys are thinking). Everything goes from being great to not good enough in the blink of an eye, and all this happens after the commitment (not necessarily marriage). That’s a lot of change, and because we love our women we conform to a certain extent. We start saying to the fellas, “Sorry fellas, I can’t tonight I’m with wifee tonight.” or “Sorry fellas, I can’t. I don’t feel like hearing her mouth later.” It’s not all bad because you women do have a magic that make us keep coming back, that make us look at you even after you gain 20 pounds and still see how beautiful you are. A magic that makes us endure the most potent nagging and still wanna just be around you. Love is crazy, and there is some chemical imbalance that makes us want to be in love, but as a man we don’t want you to change, we love the way you are, so ladies keep the change! Get it right from the beginning. And I challenge you all to look at your men and try and remember when you first realized you were in love and what about him got you to that point.
1The Feminine Mystique1963
2Dawn Reid – Facebook 02/08/2011
3http://www.nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/a_gender.html
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